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General

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel…

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But can't figure out why My dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver!?

by r/dadjokes
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General
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist tells him they come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 and asks which he'd like. "Well," the young man says, "I've been seeing this girl for a while, and she's really hot. I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, then we're going out afterward. I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky… and once she's had me, she'll want me all the time. Better give me the 12-pack." So he buys the condoms and leaves. Later that evening, he's sitting at dinner with the girl and her parents. He asks if he can say the blessing, and they agree. He starts praying… and keeps praying… and praying… for several minutes. Finally, the girl leans over and whispers, "You never told me you were such a religious person." He whispers back...
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"You never told me your father was a pharmacist."
by r/jokes
General
What kind of overalls does Mario wear?
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Denim. Denim. Denim.
by JokesterBay
General
Saw a guy carrying a screaming toddler across the parking lot. He noticed me looking at him and said "he's mine, I'm not stealing him or anything" and then before i could reply he added...
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"If i was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn't be this asshole"
by r/jokes