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General Jokes 9 jokes
General
If you see a Spanish person, tell them 'mucho.'
Punchline — tap to reveal
It means a lot to them.
by JokesterBay
General
What kind of overalls does Mario wear?
Punchline — tap to reveal
Denim. Denim. Denim.
by JokesterBay
General
What's the difference between Abu Dhabi and Dubai?
Punchline — tap to reveal
They don’t like the Flintstones in Dubai but in Abu Dhabi they Abu Dhabi do!
by JokesterBay
General
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist tells him they come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 and asks which he'd like. "Well," the young man says, "I've been seeing this girl for a while, and she's really hot. I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, then we're going out afterward. I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky… and once she's had me, she'll want me all the time. Better give me the 12-pack." So he buys the condoms and leaves. Later that evening, he's sitting at dinner with the girl and her parents. He asks if he can say the blessing, and they agree. He starts praying… and keeps praying… and praying… for several minutes. Finally, the girl leans over and whispers, "You never told me you were such a religious person." He whispers back...
Punchline — tap to reveal
"You never told me your father was a pharmacist."
by r/jokes
General
Jesus walked into a bar, saw a Russian with a glass of water, and asked, "My son, are you a believer?" The Russian replied, "No." With a wave of his hand, Jesus changed it to a glass of wine. "Well my son, do you believe now?" The Russian frowned and shook his head. The next day Jesus went into the bar, saw the same man, and said "My son, are you a believer yet?" The Russian replied, "No." Jesus waved his hands and behold! The glass again was changed to wine. "Well my son, now you must surely believe," said, Jesus, but the Russian just frowned and shook his head. On the third day, Jesus entered the bar and went over to the Russian. "My son, are you a believer yet?" The Russian looked up and snarled...
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"If I say yes will you leave my vodka alone?"
by r/jokes
General
A woman, upset that her husband came home late from golf again, decided to teach him a lesson. She left a note on the dresser that read: "I've had enough. I'm leaving you. Don't try to find me." Then she hid under the bed to watch his reaction. Soon, her husband came home. She heard him moving around, then he entered the bedroom, picked up the note, and read it. After a moment, he scribbled something on the paper and made a phone call. "She's finally gone. Yep, it's about time. I'm on my way now," he said happily. He grabbed his keys and left. Furious, the woman crawled out from under the bed, grabbed the note, and read what he had written:
Punchline — tap to reveal
"I can see your feet. We're out of bread. Be back in five minutes."
by r/jokes
General
Saw a guy carrying a screaming toddler across the parking lot. He noticed me looking at him and said "he's mine, I'm not stealing him or anything" and then before i could reply he added...
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"If i was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn't be this asshole"
by r/jokes
General
An American lawyer and his Czech brother-in-law are on a hunting vacation in Canada. As they exit their tent, they run into a male and female bear in the middle of an intimate moment. Enraged at the interruption, the male bear roars, rears up, and with a sudden pounce, swallows the lawyer's brother-in-law whole! The American runs for help, calling out for their Canadian ranger guide, who shows up with his hunting rifle. The American points at the male bear and says "Quick! Shoot him, but be careful, my brother-in-law's inside his belly!" The ranger levels his hunting rifle, takes aim, and shoots the female bear dead! Startled by the shot, the male bear runs off. The American falls to his knees, looking at the Canadian and asking "Why did you shoot the wrong bear?" The ranger scoffs and says...
Punchline — tap to reveal
"Did you really expect me to believe a lawyer who tells me the Czech is in the male?"
by r/jokes
General
My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel…
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But can't figure out why My dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver!?
by r/dadjokes