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Saw a guy carrying a screaming toddler across the parking lot. He noticed me looking at him and said "he's mine, I'm not stealing him or anything" and then before i could reply he added...

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"If i was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn't be this asshole"

by r/jokes
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My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel…
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But can't figure out why My dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver!?
by r/dadjokes
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Jesus walked into a bar, saw a Russian with a glass of water, and asked, "My son, are you a believer?" The Russian replied, "No." With a wave of his hand, Jesus changed it to a glass of wine. "Well my son, do you believe now?" The Russian frowned and shook his head. The next day Jesus went into the bar, saw the same man, and said "My son, are you a believer yet?" The Russian replied, "No." Jesus waved his hands and behold! The glass again was changed to wine. "Well my son, now you must surely believe," said, Jesus, but the Russian just frowned and shook his head. On the third day, Jesus entered the bar and went over to the Russian. "My son, are you a believer yet?" The Russian looked up and snarled...
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"If I say yes will you leave my vodka alone?"
by r/jokes
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What kind of overalls does Mario wear?
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Denim. Denim. Denim.
by JokesterBay