Dad Jokes Jokes — JokesterBay

Dad Jokes

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

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She looked surprised.

Dad Jokes

I wanted to take my family on vacation. There was a sign that said 'Disneyland Left.'

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So we turned around and went home.

Dad Jokes

What's brown and sticky?

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A stick.

Dad Jokes

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

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Anna one, Anna two!

Dad Jokes

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

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Great food, no atmosphere.

Dad Jokes

I asked my dog what 2 minus 2 is.

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He said nothing.

Dad Jokes

Why did the can crusher quit his job?

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Because it was soda pressing.

Dad Jokes

What do you call an explosive monkey?

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A baboom.

Dad Jokes

I'm on a seafood diet.

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I see food and I eat it.

Dad Jokes

A guy poured a gallon of milk on my head.

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How dairy!

Dad Jokes

Somebody born in '33 was 45 in '78

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Must be some sort of record

Dad Jokes

What do you get when you cross an angry sheep with an angry cow?

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Two animals in a baaaaad mooooood

Dad Jokes

Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs.

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Because they're Inca hoots.

Dad Jokes

How does a polygamist hippy count all his wives?

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One Mrs. Hippy, two Mrs. Hippy...

Dad Jokes

I was having a few drinks at the bar when all of a sudden the bartender yelled does anybody know CPR?

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When I said I know the whole alphabet a bunch of people laughed. except for this one guy of course.

Dad Jokes

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender tells him "You know, we have a drink named after you?" The grasshopper answers...

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"You got a drink named Steve?"

Dad Jokes

As soon as I walked in the door, my wife said "You need to do more chores around the house" "I'm tired" I said. "Can we please change the subject?"

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"Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you."

Dad Jokes

Why can't fishes find love?

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Because love is in the air. Fishes are in the water.

Dad Jokes

My 5 year old nephew came up to me with an outstretched hand holding an acorn. "Uncle, what's this?" he asks. "That? That's a tree!" I replied "This is a tree?" he asks with a wrinkled look.

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"Yeah, in a nutshell!" I said.

Dad Jokes

If New York is the city that never sleeps, what is the city that never wakes up?

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Ta-coma

Dad Jokes

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

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When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

Dad Jokes

Who were the five most constipated men in the Bible?

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Cain - He wasn't Abel. King David - Heaven and Earth couldn't move him. King Solomon - He sat on the throne for 40 years. Moses - He took two tablets and went up on the mountain. And Noah - He spent 40 days and 40 nights in the Ark, and passed nothing but water.

Dad Jokes

9 year old "Hey Dad, I have a pun for you" "Ooh what is it"? 9 year old "It's like a joke, where you play with words".

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I JUST GOT LESLIE NIELSENED BY MY OWN CHILD.

Dad Jokes

If men have "man caves", what do women have?

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Ma'am caves