Browse All Jokes — JokesterBay

Dad Jokes

A guy poured a gallon of milk on my head.

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How dairy!

Puns

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

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They'd crack each other up.

🔞 Adult

What do gay men and bungee jumpers have in common?

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If the rubber breaks, they're both in deep shit.

Dad Jokes

Somebody born in '33 was 45 in '78

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Must be some sort of record

Dad Jokes

An elderly Jewish man is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here." He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last." And he says: "And my beautiful grandchildren ... are they here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here. The old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says:

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"If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"

General

A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist tells him they come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 and asks which he'd like. "Well," the young man says, "I've been seeing this girl for a while, and she's really hot. I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, then we're going out afterward. I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky… and once she's had me, she'll want me all the time. Better give me the 12-pack." So he buys the condoms and leaves. Later that evening, he's sitting at dinner with the girl and her parents. He asks if he can say the blessing, and they agree. He starts praying… and keeps praying… and praying… for several minutes. Finally, the girl leans over and whispers, "You never told me you were such a religious person." He whispers back...

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"You never told me your father was a pharmacist."

🔞 Adult

A drunken sailor gives a hooker $100, and they proceed to a back bedroom. After a few minutes, the sailor asks, "How'm I doin'?" "About three knots," says the hooker."Three knots?" asks the sailor. "Whaddya mean?"And the hooker says...

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"You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back."

🔞 Adult

A woman walks into a car dealership to browse around. Not really planning to buy anything. In the showroom, she sees a beautiful convertible with a leather interior. She reaches down to touch the seat and accidentally and lets a fart go. To her terror, she looks up and sees a salesman was just heading her way. Hoping the salesman didn't hear her, she plays it cool and says, "Excuse me, how much is this car. I'm thinking of purchasing it for my husband." The salesman says...

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"Lady, if you farted from touching the leather, you're gonna shit when you hear the price."

General

Jesus walked into a bar, saw a Russian with a glass of water, and asked, "My son, are you a believer?" The Russian replied, "No." With a wave of his hand, Jesus changed it to a glass of wine. "Well my son, do you believe now?" The Russian frowned and shook his head. The next day Jesus went into the bar, saw the same man, and said "My son, are you a believer yet?" The Russian replied, "No." Jesus waved his hands and behold! The glass again was changed to wine. "Well my son, now you must surely believe," said, Jesus, but the Russian just frowned and shook his head. On the third day, Jesus entered the bar and went over to the Russian. "My son, are you a believer yet?" The Russian looked up and snarled...

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"If I say yes will you leave my vodka alone?"

General

A woman, upset that her husband came home late from golf again, decided to teach him a lesson. She left a note on the dresser that read: "I've had enough. I'm leaving you. Don't try to find me." Then she hid under the bed to watch his reaction. Soon, her husband came home. She heard him moving around, then he entered the bedroom, picked up the note, and read it. After a moment, he scribbled something on the paper and made a phone call. "She's finally gone. Yep, it's about time. I'm on my way now," he said happily. He grabbed his keys and left. Furious, the woman crawled out from under the bed, grabbed the note, and read what he had written:

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"I can see your feet. We're out of bread. Be back in five minutes."

General

Saw a guy carrying a screaming toddler across the parking lot. He noticed me looking at him and said "he's mine, I'm not stealing him or anything" and then before i could reply he added...

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"If i was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn't be this asshole"

Dad Jokes

If men have "man caves", what do women have?

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Ma'am caves

One-Liner

I put the "sexy" in dyslexia

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😏... wait

General

An American lawyer and his Czech brother-in-law are on a hunting vacation in Canada. As they exit their tent, they run into a male and female bear in the middle of an intimate moment. Enraged at the interruption, the male bear roars, rears up, and with a sudden pounce, swallows the lawyer's brother-in-law whole! The American runs for help, calling out for their Canadian ranger guide, who shows up with his hunting rifle. The American points at the male bear and says "Quick! Shoot him, but be careful, my brother-in-law's inside his belly!" The ranger levels his hunting rifle, takes aim, and shoots the female bear dead! Startled by the shot, the male bear runs off. The American falls to his knees, looking at the Canadian and asking "Why did you shoot the wrong bear?" The ranger scoffs and says...

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"Did you really expect me to believe a lawyer who tells me the Czech is in the male?"

Dad Jokes

9 year old "Hey Dad, I have a pun for you" "Ooh what is it"? 9 year old "It's like a joke, where you play with words".

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I JUST GOT LESLIE NIELSENED BY MY OWN CHILD.

Puns

A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?

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The Bartender

Dad Jokes

Who were the five most constipated men in the Bible?

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Cain - He wasn't Abel. King David - Heaven and Earth couldn't move him. King Solomon - He sat on the throne for 40 years. Moses - He took two tablets and went up on the mountain. And Noah - He spent 40 days and 40 nights in the Ark, and passed nothing but water.

Dad Jokes

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

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When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

Puns

Someone born in '33 was 45 in '78.

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That's got to be a record.

Puns

My son came up with this one: What is a zombie's favorite drink?

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humani-tea